less than a month from shooting next project, a 20 min comic piece homage/ripoff of 'my dinner with andre' but here set in portland featuring two friends sharing a brew, titled my beer with bill. Any ideas I had this time last year about how once I finish i'm your man things will be a little easier for me by virtue of the fact that I'll have directed i'm your man went out the window months ago. the same sort of challenges and limitations, some of them identical: lack of budget, difficulty finding location/s, surfeit of self-doubt etc.
However, locked location yesterday, which after weeks of being adrift in an ocean of inactivity was like finding dry land. as with i'm your man i desperately need a producer but since i don't have one i have to do this shit for myself which is good in the long term i suppose but in the short term only makes things more difficult and my inability to do them triggers my vicious interior voice which eviscerates me for not having done them. extremely uncomfortable. in fact the doubt got so loud this past week I actually began considering not doing this project at this point in time because things weren't breaking my way and the stress/strain was too much and, in downward spiral fashion what's the point anyway because the movie will be terrible etc. And then at breaking point I got a random comment from a stranger about i'm your man and it re-invigorated me. And i realized this might be as good as it gets. And that's fine.