random thoughts from screening

a wk ago tonight was the premiere for TBBD. i had a battery of fears going in that haunted and taunted me: screen too small, projector bulb might explode, people might walk out in droves and/or hurl tomatoes provided they showed up at all, i might spontaneously collapse and/or combust and so on ad nauseum.

after my day job ended around 5 pm I had 2 hours to kill. went to the mall and browsed. by browsed of course i mean walked around random stores and waited until the staff gave me curious looks before moving on to the next merchant. after what must have been 1/2 hour I checked my watch: i had killed a total of 7 minutes. such it is pre-screening. a mix of nervous flutter and (in this case) excitement that my sense of proportion and time goes all funny.

 arrived at venue w/ hour or so to spare. my lead actor was there so we shared a glass and talked shop. and then people began to trickle in. and then flow in. and then suddenly it was crowded and i was on stage watching myself speak. and then the movie was playing and i was in the very back leaning against the wall, excited for it all to be over. the movie ended and was met with good cheer and support. I stayed in the venue for an hour or so meeting people, saying hi, and hello and how do you do and thank you very much. 

some time later i was having a drink w/ two old friends and a friend - who was unable to attend screening - was able to meet us briefly. I felt a mix of emotion but mostly a profound sense of relief that film was over. this is not because of any lack of faith in the film or the actors or anything like it but only because the act of screening your film is not unlike (I'm just guessing here) standing naked on a stage and asking everyone to evaluate your shortcomings some of which you're deeply aware of. I'd made it through.

 my friend gigi gives her assessment of the the film/screening here

TBBD Trailer

The Big Black Dark is narrated by portland vocal talent Andrew Feinberg. Shortly after we recorded all the narration he sent me - totally unsolicited mind you - a sound file of him narrating the trailer. I left it untouched, added a few pictures and voila, here's a teaser trailer for the movie

picture lock

great celebratory pic from editor came two nights ago. fantastic feeling but it also comes bundled w/ a whiff of melancholy for me. hard to articulate but i think something to do w/ moving from a wealth of possibilities to one final verifiable thing. years of work and research and planning and the whole bit and now it's over. a death of sorts. a million choices and considerations and decisions all made, considered, decided. ocean reduced to teacup. i'm very proud of the teacup, don't get me wrong, just lamenting this part of the process.

when these moments hit i try to keep one word on my lips: onward. first onward will be the premiere screening in less than a week. 12/21/11 Someday Lounge, Portland Oregon. By coincidence the day is the shortest, darkest, blackest day of the year. the next onward is the feature. more on that in the days ahead.