Saturday, December 12, 2009

questions, decisions

saw friend's clinic today. it's workable. it's do-able w/ some slight re-imaginings of what's in my head. but it begs the question: just b/c it's workable does it mean it's correct? so, i'm right where i started: no closer to nailing location. at the same time i'm beginning to feel a sort of layer forming, a hardening of how i'm going to direct this, which in case that sounds totally fucking abstract, is a very good thing. i'm starting to see it. as i've alleged before, the hospital ($) location alone will elevate this film from amateur-land. not that that's everything - after all there's still acting, shooting, cutting to contend with - but i'm oh so eager to extract myself from the student-film pitch i feel like my mail gets delivered to.

along those lines, i emailed a close tie this week and asked to borrow 2 grand. She said no but was willing to match 1/2 of it if I could raise the rest. to my thinking that was a nice gesture on her part but one that would bear no fruit. when i mentioned it to my wife, she jumped on me for being a dim-sighted buffoon. all i have to do is raise a grand somehow, my wife claims, and i'm home free. but how?. herein finds me still sticking to the shadows and keeping my back against the wall and the comfort of sure footing instead of manning up and walking into the darkness. There's a vulnerability that i'm attempting to avoid which is a stumbling block preventing me from avoiding achieving what i need to do. it's a conundrum alright.

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